The Spiral of Life
by DTA2013
Summary: Sometimes you can't control the outcome of a case, other times you just know you are going to be changed forever and some days you wished you could have just stayed home. Femslash as always
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Criminal minds and all of its respective copyrights don't belong to me.**

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

There is one inescapable reality in life. Death. It touches us all eventually, and it has no regard for age, race, gender, or disposition. You see, fate has already paved a path for us. What we'll do in life, who we'll love, who we'll be, and how we will die. The time and place has already been determined. From the moment you were born it was set in stone; the second you took your first breath, the time at which you'd take your last had already been decided by fate... Some deaths are worse than others - they can be dragged out for days, months, even years. And then sometimes, sometimes it'll just happen in the blink of an eye. One moment you can be laughing, joking, and then the next, your body is a lifeless, empty shell.

Some people get a taste of death. I know that sounds strange, but think about it. There are always people who have been clinically dead, showing no signs of life, that is, until somebody was able to bring them back. Each person who has experienced this phenomenon will give a different account of what happened, some say they saw overwhelmingly bright light, others claim that they saw nothing, few will remember being swallowed by darkness, and many claim that they didn't even know they had died. So truthfully, nobody really knows what it's like to die. Who's to say death is this or death is that? Nobody, because every death is different.

When it comes to death, there is one thing that is universally recognised as being the truth. And that is certain grief. The grief of the people that were left behind. Nobody can plan for death, there's never enough time to say goodbye, things will always be left unsaid. The people left behind can only pick up the pieces, and try to put them back together. Putting the pieces back together takes time, and each person recovers at a different rate. It's not like a broken bone where you can immobilise it and you'll know it'll be better in 6 weeks. With grief, you have to keep going, no matter how much it hurts, and you don't know when it'll get better, if it'll get better, you just have to hope that it does and soon.

Death and birth are the only things that animals and humans alike have in common. Though most humans will never see death coming. The sick and the elderly often say they're too tired to fight anymore, and I believe that they're probably the only people who may ever feel death calling them. They'll feel it at the moment that they've truly given up. They don't give up because they want to, but because sometimes holding on just hurts too much.

I suppose I should've seen it coming, but in my type of work death had always been a risk that I'd been willing to take. You never know what you might be walking into, you never know which direction the bullet that could kill you will come from, you never know if you're going to succeed or fail. But the same could be said for crossing the road. You never know if someone might knock you down, you never know if you'll trip and fall. You'll never see it coming. It could be anything that sets the wheels of death in motion, but for me, it had all started that fateful day. The moment I awoke, I knew something was different, I knew something was going to change, I could feel it in my bones. But still, I never quite saw it coming.

For some reason, I changed my appearance that day. Maybe my subconscious knew, maybe some part of me deep down knew what was going to happen. But I knew that nobody ever wakes up and knows that they're going to die for sure, and that telling everybody that I thought I was going to die would've sounded crazy. All I truly knew was that I needed to make every little thing matter, it had to matter.

The moment I set my bag down on my desk, I got a sinking feeling. I looked around and I had a strange sense that I would never see the bullpen again, and that it would be the last time I walked through the glass doors that day. But it's never quite that simple, is it?

If only those magic eight balls worked or horoscope's were correct... As I listened to Penelope ramble on about there being big changes around the corner for me, the sinking feeling got heavier. But I still didn't want to admit to myself or them, that sitting around like this, was going to be the last time.

I felt a slender arm wrap around my waist, and I melted into the person behind me. I couldn't help but smile, however it was a sad, gentle smile, not a happy one. I turned my head and kissed her softly on her cheek, allowing my lips to linger near her ear. "I love you." I whispered, as I leant into her further, and I felt her nod. The rest of the team glanced at us somewhat amused.

"They're so cute." Garcia whispered before I saw the flash. Now normally that sort of thing would bother me, but that time I could only chuckle quietly as I shook my head, and then I sighed with a small smile.

"If I find that picture anywhere outside of your phone, I'll haunt you." I joked lightheartedly, but to me it wasn't just a joke, it meant something else, I just didn't know it.

I heard her sigh next to me as she shook her head slightly. "If _I_ find that photograph anywhere," she began in a semi-threatening tone, and I nudged her to be quite, which she was. Sometimes she was a little protective of our personal life, and that was another reason I loved her so much. Our private life was just that; private. Everyone in the BAU knew we were married, but that was besides the point.

The team was family, they still are, and we spend the majority of our lives together at work, in the bar, out shopping and during the holidays. I always thought I was OTT when shopping, but Garcia could out-shop the both of us, granted most of her purchases were for our children, her God-children. She just loved to spoil them both whenever and wherever possible... Although to me, it feels like Henry was just born yesterday, he'll be 12 this year, and our daughter Julie will be turning 10 in a fortnight.

Hotch called for us to meet him in 10 minutes and we laughed as we made our way to the kitchenette, and for the first time in nearly 14 years, I was truly terrified of going into the conference room, I was dreading the case we were going to be handed. As coffee was poured, I refused a cup, and gripped my wife's hand slightly tighter than usual. I was momentarily frozen to the spot, my feet didn't want to move, something in the back of my mind was screaming for me to walk out of the BAU doors and go home, but even that couldn't of protected me from the sense of impending doom on my soul.

As we walked into the conference room, I just knew the case we were assigned would be my last...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

My feet seemed to drag as we boarded the jet, it was a place I truly didn't want to be, but I took the seat opposite her like I had done every trip, a small smile crossed my lips as I watched her gaze out the window she always seemed to enjoy the take off and the landing as well although I would prefer to have both feet on the ground and not thousands of feet above the earth.

For some reason the take-off seem faster than usual but still my eyes never left hers, although now she was chuckling at me in amusement. "Is everything okay?" she asked me, all I could do was let out a soft sigh before I replied.

"Looking at you makes the take-off better" my voice had a teasing tone to it and the slight wink I gave her caused her to shake her head at me.

"Very smooth" she replied shaking her head slightly at me, I couldn't help giving her a soft smile before my attention was pulled. Hotch was motioning us all to gather in the middle like we have done hundreds of times before. Although this time it made my stomach churn more.

I couldn't allow the sinking feeling take over me, I had to focus on the case maybe it would help take my mind off the impending doom that was going to rip apart my world and their world, maybe if I didn't think about it I could change the outcome. We all die that is for certain, but fate can always be changed not by cheating death but by taking a different route, not being reckless not going in without back up. That's the thing with fate and death the outcome is never simple so for now I will place it to the back of my mind and just pray that I would make it back home.

And concentrating on this case might just help. Here's to hoping.

I flip through the file as we gather around I can't but wince as I take in the scene the first crime scene stood out, an elderly couple butchered there wasn't any other way of saying it. I don't think I have ever seen so much blood the walls and floor were covered the once rosewood floor was now a sea of red the cream walls covered in blood splatter and smears.

"What do we know about the victims?" Morgan asked as he too flipped through the file.

"Mrs and Mrs Tong, they were both well known in the community, both retired five years ago after selling their clothing business, no enemies that the family knew of." Hotch paused for a moment.

"Their son found them?" I asked as I began to read more of the report.

"Officer Tong found them around 9.30am after his sister rang him concerned because she was unable to get through on the phone, when he arrived he found his father on the floor in the hall way, as he made his way into the kitchen he found this mother laid on the kitchen floor, he called it in at 9.36am" Hotch said softly allowing us all time to finish reading the report.

"I want you and Morgan to go to the first crime scene" Hotch said firmly to which we both nodded.

"Reid you and JJ go straight to the station and begin working on the geographical profile, JJ we also need to get ahead of the press," I gave her a soft smile as she nodded.

"Rossi and I will go to the morgue"

I sighed softly as we all returned to our seats I couldn't help scanning the rest of the team Reid was still looking at the file and I could tell he was taking everything in so intently memorising every detail, the small map laid on the table in front of him as he drew circles around where the two families had been slaughtered. It was the standard thing with Reid every case we worked he would always start his geographical profile first before he leaned back on his chair opening the book which he keep in his brown satchel.

Hotch was busy filling in the paperwork we all knew he was writing up the paperwork which we all should really be filling in, but he liked us to be focused on the case and not worrying about the paperwork which went along with each case. All any of us needed to do was sign our names on the dotted line before we travelled back to the BAU.

Rossi much like Reid was going through the case file, even now he had his small black notebook out writing small points that he came across. At first we found it amusing once he had returned joining our team after Gideon left. Although back then he wouldn't share what he found it had taken weeks for him to feel comfortable sharing him, I guess that had something to do with Hotch having a word with him pointing out we are a team and he wasn't the outsider and was part of the team.

Morgan was sat with his head to the side listening to his music it always helped him clear his mind for a while, so he could focus on the case and nothing else. He is more of a friend than my partner we all have each other's back in the field but because we are always teamed up together we have a closer bond with each other, he had played match maker between JJ and myself, he helped us see what everyone else saw on the team.

My glance fell back on JJ my beloved wife, her head leaned gently on the chair as her eyes gazed on the clouds as the sun peaked out through the clouds it made her face glow slightly my hand reached out as our fingers interlaced pulling her attention.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly as her gaze fell on me.

I gave her a soft gentle smile as I nodded, I gave her one last squeeze before I began to read through the case file again.

It looked as though the unsub had used items you would find in most of the houses, it was as though he didn't bring anything with him, the hammer laid on the floor covered in blood near the first victims head although as the coroner has stated the blow to the skull from the hammer wasn't what had killed him. Instead it was over kill, weapons of opportunity he had over 15 stab wounds.

I couldn't help swallowing slightly as I looked at his wounds it wasn't a normal knife he had used, but as the coroner had noted the blade had a hooked tip and the deep wounds only conformed it, a typical knife would normal be piercing deep stab wounds as they would drive the knife full into the victim the shaft would stop it driving in too far although the damage would have already been done. These wounds on the other hand were deep and long gashes the hook on the end of the knife had made the skin tear leaving slightly jagged lines where it had sliced through the skin.

I placed the file down closing it, I just couldn't look at it anymore I had seen bloody crime scenes before but this was more like a blood bath arterial spray along the walls where the victims had tried to escape their attacker bloody hand prints all the walls where they had used the walls to steady themselves as they tried to escape. They weren't just killed they were butchered.

I placed the case to the back of my mind for the time being we wouldn't arrive in Montana for another three hours and then we would be going straight to the crime scenes and then we would all meet back at the station and considering they are two hours behind us it's going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It seemed like only moments ago I had closed my eyes although now I can hear the bleeping sound indicating that we need to put our seat bleats on. Yes the dreaded landing the part which makes your stomach turn which made the churning feeling in my stomach ten times worse. I felt like running to the bathroom as the nauseous feeling engulfed my body. Instead I take a deep breath and reach out my hand interlacing our fingers again although this time she gives me a very puzzled look.

"Emily?" I try and give her a slight smile but instead I think it came across as more of a grimace, I wanted to reply but I couldn't due to the fact that if I opened my mouth to speak the nauseated feeling might rise up causing me to vomit.

I gave myself a few moments as I felt the wheels of the jet make contact with the tarmacked runway swallowing slightly, "I am fine" I whispered slightly.

"Hmm, looks to me like you are going to be sick" her voice is much softer than normal and I know it is so the rest of the team don't hear us.

I gave her a slight nod "For some reason that landing made my stomach churn more than normal" I know it was a slight half-truth but which would be worse telling her the truth or a slight lie.

It wasn't long before we were splitting off into the cars Morgan and myself were heading straight to the first crime scene, it didn't seem a long drive this is where I love technology for once our satnavs take us the quickest and easiest route going. Although the drive was not exactly full of noise just the odd comment here and there, it wasn't that we didn't want to talk to each other it was because we needed our minds clear.

We pulled up on to the quite street even with the property fenced off there were no spectators, no one hanging around other than the officer which was meeting us here. For some reason it feels peaceful as though nothing out of the ordinary happens here, maybe people were hiding away to horrified with what has happened on their own doorstep.

"Agent Morgan and Prentiss" I chuckled slightly as we both showed our badges to the young Officer "The Detective is waiting inside for you" the young officer said, I couldn't help notice his name.

"Thank you Officer Sweet"

Morgan raised his eyebrow slightly "I am so glad JJ is at the station" he teased slightly

"Why?" I gave him a slightly amused look only because I knew what he was thinking, every time we come across a female Officer Morgan has the impression that I am either flirting with them or that they are flirting with me, it has nothing to do with the fact that he is the biggest flirt going.

Before he had chance to answer we were greeted by Detective Thomas "You must be the BAU folks" like so many times his eyes appeared to search for the rest of our team.

"Agent Morgan and Prentiss, the rest of the team will meet you at the station" Morgan said with ease as we moved further towards the house.

"The first victim was found here near the front door" he informed us both.

Now normally we would walk carefully as not to disturb the evidence, although it was an impossibility so instead we place on the little blue booties to protect our shoes. The pictures we had seen showed a lot of blood but as I look down the hallway to where the next victim had been found every inch of the floor was covered. We carefully followed him into the kitchen where the second victim was found.

Even though there was a pool of blood on the kitchen floor it wasn't as heavy like the hallway which made me wonder which victim he had attacked first. I played the slight scene in my head even if the unsub had come through the front door the way the male victim was found should have been facing the opposite way his head facing away from the door.

Detective Thomas walked us into the other room, it was more like a study books thrown on the floor cupboards ripped open and the contents sprawled on the floor as though the unsub was looking for something. Maybe this was a robbery gone badly, or both. But as I started to flick through the books hundred dollar bills started to fall out from the pages.

"There has to be over 3 thousand dollars here" Morgan commented "You may want to have someone go through these books to make sure there isn't any more" Morgan said gently.

I had seen this before old people hiding their money in strange places, under floor boards, mattresses in books and I have also seen money rolled up and hidden in tin cans hair spray canisters people will go to great lengthens to hide their money. Even if there is a safe in the house, there is something about old people not trusting the banks.

"Have you found the entry point?" Morgan asked. So far neither of us had seen a broken window or a door broken into.

"Well this is a new one on me" Detective Thomas said as he ushered out of the study we proceeded down another hall way which would lead near the kitchen. I couldn't help but gasp slightly. The whole window had been removed, not by using a glass cutter. This unsub had taken the time to remove all the sealant and putty from around the window enabling him to remove the whole window with no damage and I surmise removing it didn't make a sound.

"That's a new one for us as well" I replied once I had gotten over my slight shock. I frowned slightly, there is no way this is his first time. No one starting out on a killing spree would take the time to do things so neatly.

The area which the window had been removed was covered by trees and shrubs none of the neighbours would notice nor see what the unsub was doing back here.

"Are there any prints anywhere?" Morgan asked as we made our way outside to take a proper look.

"The only print we have found is one bloody shoe print, we haven't found any fibres either" Thomas said his frustration clearly showed in his voice.

Morgan walked around the perimeter before his attention was pulled to the small brown box near the bottom of house, it had been opened slightly. "The phone lines have been cut" Morgan commented as he stood up again. "I would like to see the other crime scene Morgan said as I nodded in agreement.

One thing to be said about working with people so long is sometimes you don't need to use words to communicate what you are thinking just a look or the change in tone and body langue said everything. This isn't the first crime this unsub has done it is too neat the forensic measures that have been used are not something you learn overnight. It is something you have mastered over time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Merry Christmas, I hope you all have a lovely day with your families and friends **

By the time we had arrived back at the station it had become clear to Morgan and myself that it wasn't the first time this unsub had committed a crime, it is as though he had learnt from his mistakes he definitely wasn't new to this. The crime scenes were too perfect and the lack of trace evidence only strengthened our theory.

Money had been taken from the latest victim the family had confirmed that they kept around twenty thousand dollars in the safe. When will people learn, keep your money in the bank at least then it is semi safe and your home is more safe due to the fact temptation has been removed. Although they lived in separate neighbour hoods there seemed to be a slight connection or maybe it was just a coincidence that they too had a business before they'd retired.

"What did you find out?" JJ asked us as I handed her the cup of coffee.

"Not a lot, despite all the blood there was nothing other than a foot print left at the scene." Morgan said as I took a seat pulling the file in front of me so I could read through the notes again.

I placed my phone on the table as I hit her number placing it on speed dial "Yes my little crime fighters how may I assist you today" I couldn't help the slight chuckle as he voice drafted through the speaker.

"I need you to run a search" before I finished her voice cut me off

"That's what I do best"

"Can you go back a year to eighteen months, looking at breakings"

"I'm going to need a bit more than that" Garcia she as I chuckled slightly.

"Look for anything that had little evidence. Does that help" I teased slightly.

"I'll hit you back" with that she cut the call

It wasn't long before Rossi and Hotch had joined us, Rossi placed the tray down which consisted of coffees for each of us and a bag containing sandwiches for us all. Hotch handed us all a copy of the medical reports which now had some more details regarding the latest victim.

"The stab wounds were enough to kill Mr Tong the coroner commented that the blow to his head was uncalled for. He also stated that even though the wounds are deep and long the knife wouldn't be more than ten inches long" Hotch said as he placed the pictures on the board which showed the injuries in more detail for each victim. The stab wounds on each victim were the same long gashes with jagged tears on the skin.

"Any idea on the knife that was used?" JJ asked as I studded the wound tracks some more.

I pulled the laptop out pulling up a web browser, I knew I had seen these types of wounds before a long blade with some type of hook on the end, back when I lived in the countryside in Ireland I had seen these types of patterns.

"It's a bill hook also known as a beet knife," I said as I turned the screen around allowing the rest of the team to see the picture. "It was mainly used as a leatherworker's knife for cutting hides. Similar were also used for other sheet materials such as linoleum, rubber. I haven't seen one in years but I have seen those stab wounds before, many farm workers would cut themselves when using the knife as the sharpe blade didn't need that much pressure to cut through the hides it would slice through your skin like paper"

"Do you know where someone could purchase this?" Hotch asked I gave him a slight nod before I answered.

"EBay, amazon and any agricultural shop will stock them, it isn't a common knife though you would have to be use to handling one, and the handles are always made of wood which will become slippery once it is wet hence so many accidence with them."

"These crime scenes are too organised" Rossi stated.

"That was our thought we think he has been at this longer. Although something made him kill this time" Morgan said as he took a swig of the much needed coffee.

"Maybe he was surprise by the victims?" JJ asked.

I shook my head slightly "The way in which he entered each crime scene points more to he knew they would be home, the whole window had been taken out at the first crime scene each house had, had the phone lines cut, the entry point on the second house was through the garage door and from the mess in the garage it looks as though he had been there for a long time"

"The safe in the second house needed a code to access it looks as though they were surprised in the bedroom, it would have been easy for him to get the husband to comply, only his finger prints were found on the safe." Morgan said as Rossi handed us our sandwiches.

"I think we are looking for a white male" Reid said as he drew lines on the map.

"What makes you say that?" JJ asked

"Well if it's a beet knife the majority of the farmers in this area are white,"

"That's a big jump" I couldn't help comment although in the back of my mind I knew he was correct.

"Not really when you consider that most farms are handed down generation to generation and then take into account that a person would need a lot of skill to use that type of knife, which must mean he grew up being taught how to use it and in turn developed the necessary skill."

I couldn't help the slight chuckle as I listened to him "Okay point taken" I mused slightly giving him a soft smile.

"Wouldn't farm hands be taught how to use it though?" JJ asked. I waited for Reid to start again but for once he stayed quite as he turned looking at the map again trying to work out how many farms were in the area and also how many in neighbouring towns.

"Yes farm hands would be taught how to use it, but it takes a lot of skill and practice and not many farmers would allow them to practice, the amount of injuries that may happen is just a law suit waiting. Which is something no farmer would be able to pay without selling the property" I gave her a soft smile as she began to look between both me and Reid.

"I think Reid may have been cloned"

I couldn't help the slight laugh as Reid turned around with a confused look on his face. "I believe if I was to be cloned that would make Emily a man that resembles me"

"Oh boy" I heard Morgan mumble.

"It's late we will meet back in the morning I suggest that you all get a good night's rest meet back here at 8am unless we get called" Hotch said as we started to straight up the table.

The ride back to the hotel room was quite like always sometimes we would talk about the case, sometimes about plans for the weekend and other times when we have seen the worst of what society has to offer we fall silent. There are no words for what we have seen no joyous words to lift our spirits because we all know it can get so much worse before we catch the unsub.

We each split off into our own rooms hoping that we will have some rest and not mulling over the case, which was normally something I tended to do, but like I have said before this case is different everything has to matter.

"I am going for a shower, why don't you ring the children" JJ said as her hand rested on my shoulder, I nodded against her as I leaned in slightly.

"Do you want to talk to them after your shower?" I asked even though I knew the answer.

"Yeah, I'll be out in ten" I couldn't help but chuckle JJ's ten meant twenty in all fairness but I give the children their due they can keep me entertained long after she comes out of the shower.

I hadn't even noticed she had come out of the bathroom I was too engrossed in listening to Henry and Julie talking about what they had done in school, who they had played with after school not forgetting what they had eaten or the fact that Auntie Penelope had called round to see them. Their voices soothed my soul but it also saddened me as well.

"Go have a shower" her voice was so soft and gentle as she spoke, I bid goodnight to the children before I handed JJ the phone giving her chance to hear what they had been doing all day. It always amused me that they had to tell us separately about their day even when we came home at night they couldn't tell us together, sometimes I wondered if it was because of our jobs and they always knew one of us can be hurt.

They had both seen me black and blue the odd gunshot wound, JJ when she got hit over the head it is kind of funny in the fact that the second time she was hit was with a shovel which now has been the standard joke between the team. Whereas Morgan and myself is normally because the unsub have attacked us and we've had to use force. Though most of my bruises come from Morgan and myself sparring in the gym.

I allowed the water to wash away the feelings I had swirling in my mind, I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that JJ knew something was wrong or something was weighting heavy on my mind, but I can't tell her.

By the time I have come out the bathroom JJ is already in bed, my nightwear gently placed on the small chair waiting for me the hair dryer left plugged in so I didn't go to bed with wet hair. Which I was a bugger for not drying my hair. I looked over at her the small lamp casted an amber glow onto her skin making her features stand out more than ever, I am so lucky to have her at my side, so honoured to call her my wife.

I make my way over to the bed gently lying beside her before wrapping my arm carefully around the back of her neck allowing her head to rest on my chest, my fingers run gently through her hair as the other runs circles on her bare arm. I smile as I feel her muscles twitch under my touch. Now normally I wouldn't dream of making love while we were on a case it was an unwritten rule we had since the first time we did make love on a case the walls weren't as thick as we thought and I had taken three whole days of Morgan teasing me, but right now I didn't care I would take the teasing and whatever else he gave me. I wanted her to know how much I loved and cared for her. Like I said before everything has to matter every little detail needs to matter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Merry Christmas and happy holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas. **

I laid on the bed waiting for JJ to finish getting dressed if I was honest my heart wasn't truly on the case my mind maybe but my heart, let's just say I wanted to stay in those loving warm arms. It's a sombre thought really, the feeling that is pressing down on my soul is so overwhelming that I can't clear my mind fully and things also have a way of turning around and changing. I know fate may have paved a path for me and this feeling inside only strengthened it but I can't help wondering if it's just a warning a type of wakeup call I guess. I can either dwell on it or try and carry on like normal.

I hadn't noticed her stood in the door way her voice caused me to jump slightly. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

I gave her a soft smile "Nothing darling, just thinking that's all" it was a half-truth I guess but it is better than the truth which is eating away at me.

I heard her sigh slightly before the bed dipped next to me her fingers trailed gently down my back. "When you're ready to talk sweetheart I'm here" her voice was filled with such kindness.

All I can do is lean into her slightly "I know, I promise you I am fine though" I give her my best reassuring smile to which she placed a soft kiss on my hand.

"Go and get dress Em we need to leave in half an hour" I nodded before I began to get off the bed.

"I love you Jen" I moved into the bathroom following my morning routine, I knew once I had freshened up she would be dressed and a cup of coffee would be on the small table ready for.

We head into the station we knew the rest of the team would have been here before us but it didn't matter to me I just wanted to spend more time with her, but there is an unsub to catch innocent people to be saved. I guess he needed to be caught first before I could truly spend some quality time with my family.

"Morning" Morgan greeted with a slight smirk causing me to roll my eyes slightly.

"How's it coming?" I asked instead of taking him on.

"Another victim was discovered around half an hour ago I want Morgan and yourself to head to the crime scene at the rate him is going he is sure to make a mistake" Morgan nodded as we gathered our things to take with us.

"If these are just good old fashion robberies why would you murder them as well? I can't see this unsub getting off on this, he doesn't linger over the bodies, and he doesn't spend time with them. Even bank robbers don't kill they take hostages and yes sometimes people die, but this is over kill as though he is taking his frustration out on them."

"I agree with you there, maybe they could identify him, or maybe they knew him" I said as I pulled out my phone. The amount of money this guy now had would really change his usual spending habits. "Garcia can you run a search on the suspects you have found, see if any of their spending habits have changed also look at ones that are in debt."

"Oh that's too easy my little kitten. One day you will give me a harder challenge." I couldn't help laughing as she spoke.

"One day I will make that wish come true." And with that the line went dead.

We arrived at the crime scene instead of going in straight away, we made our way around the outside of the property, once again the phone lines had been cut although this time there was another shoe impression which one of the crime techs were taking an impression of.

It was beginning to feel like the unsub was leaving his own signature, it may not be a big one but it stood out. He knew the victims were in and the cut phone lines proved it.

"Do we know if this victim also had a business before they retired?" I couldn't help ask out loud. It felt as though he targeted them because he knew they had money in the house it strengthened my thought that he knew his victims it was now a case of finding out how he knew them, where they had met.

"This is differently his MO" Morgan said as we started to make our way into the house. Again the crime scene was a blood bath, bloody prints along the walls and trails of blood on the floor, another foot print smeared with blood.

"What have we got?" Morgan asked as we made our way into the front room, blood covered the once floral carpet, the chairs covered in cast of.

"Multiple stab wounds, again he has used more force than he truly needed to. The safe upstairs has been opened and cleared out. We are still waiting for the family to get back to us. So we aren't certain how much money was in the safe. It looks like the attack started in the bedroom and ended up here." The detective said you could hear the frustration in his voice as he spoke, another families torn apart another family left devastated by the loss of a family member.

"Do you mind if we go and take a look upstairs?" I asked, again my eyes swept over the body, she was someone mother, grandma and it was taken from her and her family.

"Of course the crime techs have finished processing so feel free to take you time"

"He is getting careless" I commented as we looked around the bedroom.

"That he is but I also feel we may have another body before we catch him. I think we have enough for a profile now though" Morgan said we ease.

"We will head back get with the others and see if they have more as well." Morgan nodded as we made our way back to the station.

We made our way back into the room that we were using Reid had more writing, pictures and information on the board. The map consisted of more dots and he had pinpointed the comfort zone it seemed to be all falling into place although I doubt it would be easy to take him down. Was this is it would this be the reason for the feeling I had come to know over the past couple of days. I scan the room taking in my friends, my family a sadness filled my heart I just prayed that if I took things slowly and safely all would be turned around and this feeling would go away.

"Garcia has found a few suspects. Terrance Johnson, he was sent away for five years for petty burglary where a witness pulled him out of a line up. Then Matthew Price, he got out of jail three weeks ago after serving ten years for burglary and assault and battery. Cory James has done five years for attempted robbery he is the only suspect that used a weapon. Matthew Price used his fist mainly."

"Are any of them in debt?" I asked once Hotch had finished talking.

"Garcia is still looking into their bank accounts we have informed the officers and once we hear back off Garcia we will split into teams and talk to them unless one stands out" Rossi said as he walked in bringing us all the much needed coffee. Now all we had to do was wait and for once I would try and be patience.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Waiting wasn't exactly mine and Morgan's strong point, we just wanted to be out in the field, it wasn't always the need of catching the unsub although it played apart, we both wanted to protect people the innocent victims that were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

We had both seen some horrible things, I had my children that helped sooth the images in my mine helping me to see the good in the world again. We are all capable of great evil but at the same time we are all capable of compassion and love. Morgan renovated properties in his spare time, it helped him to clear his mind and take out his frustrations. In truth we all had our own coping mechanisms.

I felt a pair of hands rest on my shoulders gently rubbing out the tension that was building there, I couldn't help leaning into the touch so my head rested on her stomach. For the first time there were no comments about it, Hotch just looked over and gave a rare smile to us both as I closed my eyes slightly. It wasn't often that I allowed this to side of me to show in public, let alone in front of the team but I truly didn't care if they saw the soft side. The ringing of the phone pulled my attention although her hands never moved from my shoulders and my head never left her stomach.

"What have you got Garcia?" Hotch asked as he hit the speaker button.

"Matthew Price. He has spiralled into debt around four months ago, he seems to spend a lot of time in different casinos. Over the past few days his spending habits have changed I cannot find any activity on his bank accounts. Cory James, he also has a mountain of debt. He has fallen behind on his credit card payments he was also behind on his mortgage repayments but over the past few weeks he has managed to catch up. From what I have found his mother was helping to pay off his debts until she died six months ago."

"Do you have their addresses?" Rossi asked

I heard the lightness in Garcia's voice as she spoke. "I sent you the addresses a few moments ago it should already be on your phones."

"Thanks baby girl" Morgan said softly as he clipped his gun on to his holster

"Be safe my doves" I chuckled as the phone line went dead.

"Rossi, you Morgan and Prentiss go to Cory's home the rest of us will go to Matthews's home address. They are both considered armed and dangerous so be careful. I will have swat meet you there." I nodded slightly as Hotch gave Morgan and myself a warning stare.

My head turned leaning on her hand just enough so I could place a soft kiss on her fingers. "I love you Jen, stay safe" I whispered softly as I moved to join Morgan and Rossi.

Her fingers stopped me slightly, I looked into her pale blue orbs, and she gave me a warm gentle smile. "I love you too Em," it was then that her lips met my cheek. "We will talk once we get home" I could only nod. She always could see pass my walls and I also knew how unlike it was for her to show this much affection while we were with the team let alone being on a case. Although I didn't care I would bask in her love as much as I was allowed to, I nodded my reply before I retreated out the doorway with Morgan and Rossi who was slightly ahead of us both.

JJ could feel the eyes on her as she watched Emily's retreating form she let out a slight sigh as she gathered her things before they too headed out to the waiting cars.

"JJ is everything okay with Emily?" Hotch asked his voice showing slight concern.

"Honestly I don't know," JJ replied giving him a half smile. "I think this case may be getting to her"

"Well if either of you need anything you know I'm here" he said kindly. Hotch knew that a case could affect either member of the team but even he hadn't seen Emily allow a case to affect her. For now he would leave it hoping he could talk to Emily once the case was over. She was the only other member of the team he didn't really need to worry about, she had a way of dealing without it effecting her work but even he could tell something was seriously wrong.

"I'll talk to her once we are back home" JJ said as they also headed out of the station.

It took them fifteen minutes to drive to Matthew's house, the garden was over grown weeds spread along the paving slabs on the driveway, the paint chipped on the white porch, windows full of grim giving them a grey look everything about the property looked tired. Swat headed around the back of the property with Reid as Hotch and JJ stood at the front door. Even though it looked like no one was home Hotch banged on the door slightly.

* * *

><p>I sat in the rear of the SUV allowing Morgan to ride shotgun with Rossi, I needed to clear my mind before we arrived it seemed only a short distance before we reached the gravelled road that led up to the house. The small white fence surrounded the property, the grass well-kept although the house seemed in disrepair. The white paint had begun to flake the fly screen was torn and dirty. The small steps to the house were covered in moss and leaves. The porch light flickered slightly.<p>

Rossi took a couple of the swat team around the back of the property as the rest stayed with Morgan and myself. We couldn't go charging in we were only here to ask them questions, and swat were our back up in case we needed it. Safety was always on the forefront of Hotch's mind.

Morgan banged on the door slightly, we could hear the tell-tale sounds that someone was home the shuffling on feet on the floor inside. "Cory James FBI, open the door" Morgan hollered as he banged on the door again.

Silence took over us all, the hustling for feet inside the house had come to an abrupt stop, the only noise which registered was our breathing, Rossi mumbled something in our ear pieces and for the life of me I couldn't tell what he had said, everything was just still and quiet.

I heard Morgan shout again but it didn't seem to register his voice was so muffled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I heard the muffled sound again, I knew someone was shouting, I could feel the vibrations on the wooden porch as though people were rushing around.

"EMILY!"

Have you ever held your head under water when someone is talking to you, the sound is muffled the tone of the voice varies as the water washes against your ears, the volume drifts slightly some words are louder than others but yet nothing makes sense.

The slight popping sound was the last thing I truly remember before everything became still, as though frozen in time, I tried to focus my eyes where I could hear the muffled sounds coming from, though that too was like looking through water. Everything was hazy deeper colours but nothing truly formed in front of me. I could feel the pounding next to me as though people where rushing around. A heavy weight rested against my skin but yet I couldn't really see or feel anything.

"Don't you dare close your eyes?"

I couldn't even say who was talking to me the words seemed to muffle into one, I knew something was wrong, but it all just feels surreal. I feel heavy in a sense not because I have something resting on top of me but my body feels heavy. I can't explain it any better than that, I can feel the cold air attacking my body, darkness seeping in as the voices seem to become more frantic.

"Where's the medic!"

That muffled voice again although it seems louder, a dark figure seemed to be above me but I can't tell who it is. I wonder what has happened why everything seems so heavy so loud but yet nothing is making sense. I don't recognise the voice which keeps shouting and I am beginning to think they are shouting at me.

"Stay with me"

I can feel myself begin to panic slightly as everything starts to fade into one, I have never felt this tired. The sudden urge to sleep is taking hold of me, are my eyes even open? Again I see a flicker of that dark figure. I try to speak but nothing seems to form in my mouth, I cough slightly.

"No, no don't do this, open your eyes"

I can feel something trickling down the side of my face. My head starts to pound as though I can feel my veins pulsating through my body, the muffled sounds have long since gone quite. I can feel something prick at my skin, before my body seems to move. That one action makes me feel sick, it feels as though I am being thrown through waves everything is swimming, my body feels numb and heavy as I try and fight the darkness which is trying to engulf me.

Silence.

* * *

><p>Morgan stood looking at the pool of blood on the porch, his light coloured shirt was now a bright crimson colour, his hands covered in blood. His eyes followed the medics as they hurried his partner in to the ambulance. He was frozen it had all happened so fast not one of them were able to react in time. The shot from the gun had torn through the wooden door hitting Emily in her vest, but her vest hadn't helped much, the pellets from the shot gun had torn through the fabric the shear force knocking her to the ground. He had tried to stop the bleeding while the medics arrived and as they rushed her he could only hope.<p>

"Morgan" Rossi said firmly as he rested his hand on his shoulder

"I can't lose her" his voice seemed to lack all emotion as his eyes still focused on the retreating form of the ambulance.

"I've told Hotch to meet us at the hospital" Morgan nodded slightly. He was numb he had held his partner in his arms as he tried to stem the bleeding. "Come on there's nothing more we can do here"

* * *

><p>I feel as though I am floating, my body seems to be moving I can still hear the muffled voices but there aren't as frantic as before. I can hear a type of beeping a coolness seeping through my veins causing me to shiver slightly, I can feel my skin being prodded and poked by something waves of nauseates travels through my body.<p>

My body jerks as though someone has just attacked me with a taser, my body seems to hum slightly the pulsating sound in my head becomes louder. Again my body jerks uncontrollably I feel as though I am on a boat being thrown side to side, each wave hitting into me causing the room to spin before being thrown again.

* * *

><p>Rossi and Morgan had arrived at the hospital before Hotch and the rest of the team. They had been shown into the small waiting area. Morgan hadn't spoken since the arrived the nurse had offered to get him some scrubs to change into. He had nodded slightly but he hadn't truly realised just how much blood he was covered in.<p>

The door swung open a few moments later. "Where is she?" JJ rushed out in a frantic breathe.

"They have taken her straight down to surgery" Rossi said softly.

"Oh my god Morgan!" JJ panicked slightly as she looked at him. "Please tell me that's not" Hotch managed to catch her just as her legs gave out.

"Morgan, you need to get cleaned up." Hotch ordered slightly as he too took in the shear amount of blood he had covering him.

"I" his voice faltered slightly.

"I'll come with you" Rossi said as he took hold of the scrubs which the nurse had left for him.

Each member of the team where lost in their own thoughts, JJ sat staring at the floor her hands clenched together, her eyes slightly glassy as she tried to keep the tears at bay.

Reid tapped his foot uncontrollably against the floor as he stared at the floor.

Hotch stood to the side of them speaking into the phone trying to calm Garcia down slightly.

The door opened again causing JJ to snap her head up only to see Morgan and Rossi enter the room.

"What happened?" Hotch asked quietly as he passed the phone to Morgan.

Rossi shook his head slightly "It all happened so fast"

Neither of them could explain what had happened one moment they were knocking on the door Morgan identifying who they were, the next thing they heard was gunfire.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Happy New Year, all the best for 2015.**

Time is suspended as though everything around you has disappeared you can't hear a sound, the buzzing in the back ground has ceased into nothing, the more you look at the floor the more it blends into one the cracks seem to merge together forming fully in front of you. You wonder if you're still breathing because everything is that silent, you long for something to pull you back to reality but it doesn't come anytime soon.

Morgan paces slightly lost in his own world, you watch his feet wondering if he will start to make groves in the floor as his feet fall in the exact place each time. Although he doesn't make a sound, you pull your attention slightly as you begin to take in things around you. Hotch is stood with Rossi they seem to be watching over you. Like always but you can't tell what they are thinking, Hotch has always looked stoic as though nothing bothers him, but as you take in the expression on his face you see worry.

It isn't the first time you have seen that look on his face, you are pulled back to the time when your best friend got shot, the concern on his face this time seemed more apparent, he was normally the rock which help the team together but as you stare at him you know this time he can't help.

Rossi much like Gideon you can see the worry in his eyes, the pain. They are a solid dark chocolate with so much depth, hurt. That is the word you look for he is hurting for her, for us and then himself.

Reid seems to have taken up Emily nervous habit, he looks so lost. He leans forward on the small brown chair, his shaggy light brown hair covering his eyes slightly, he seems to be lost as he looks down at his hands to which he is picking at his nails. I wounder if he even realises what he is doing.

Hotch is stood with Rossi leaning against the blank white wall near the coffee machine, his normal stoic expression has gone, his eyes look sad as he too stares slightly at the door. JJ has tears rolling down her cheeks, as she wrapped her arms around herself as though she was shielding herself from the world.

It had been hours since Emily had been rushed into the operating room, no one had come to give them an update. They were in limbo they gained comfort from one another but their thoughts were with their friend. Morgan had seen the amount of damage with Emily has sustained, but as they say no news is good news.

* * *

><p>I can feel my heart pounding as though it is going to explode through my chest, my veins seem to be pulsating more as the pounding in my head intensifies. Is this a dream? I can hear rapid bleeping voices muffled but they sound frantic slightly. It gives me some slight comfort at least if I can hear someone I know I'm still alive. My body hasn't jolted for a while which I am grateful for, my muscles no longer twitch. The pain has now become a dull ache as though something has eased it.<p>

I feel as though I am moving again but this time I don't feel like I am being tossed around be waves, no this time I feel like I am floating. I keep trying to remember what has happened. Why nothing is making sense to me. Where am I?

* * *

><p>The door to the waiting room opened slowly as the doctor entered. "Emily Prentiss?" he asked softly.<p>

"How is she?" JJ asked as her blood shock eyes looked at him.

"We have managed to stabilise her for now. Is there a family member that I can speak to?"

"I am her wife" this time her voice was firmer as she spoke.

"May I speak with you in private?" he asked kindly.

JJ shook her head slightly as she spoke "Please, you can say anything into front of our team" JJ said as she wrapped her arms around herself more tightly.

"Emily has lost a lot of blood, the gun shot she sustained tore into her abdominal wall," JJ sat down as he spoke. "I have managed to remove the gun fragments, also there is internal bleeding, which we will operate tomorrow to find the source."

"What else?" JJ asked as the Doctor paused.

He swallowed slightly, "Emily arrested a few times while we were operating, the last time we struggled to resuscitate her. We are not sure what damage it has done yet we will know more tomorrow,"

"Can I see her" JJ said as tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

He gave a slight nod "I will send the nurse to bring you through once they have made her comfortable"

"Thank you" JJ said weakly as she wiped the tears from her cheek. Morgan sat next to her wrapping his arm tightly around her hoping to give her slight comfort.

"I need to ring Kate" JJ said as she tried to hold the tears back slightly.

"I can ring her if you like JJ" Hotch said kindly. JJ nodded slightly grateful that he had offered


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Thank you to those that are following and that have reviewed it means a lot.**

"Hotch?" JJ said as she tried to control her emotions. "Tell her to get the next flight out and bring Garcia. Please" Hotch nodded slightly before heading out the door.

JJ sunk back into the chair, grateful as Morgan wrapped his arm around her allowing her head to rest on his chest. "What happened?" JJ mumbled slightly.

"Honestly JJ it happened so fast, one minute I was knocking on the door next thing I heard was gun fire" Morgan shook his head slightly "We didn't have chance to react" JJ nodded slightly.

The door opened again as Hotch came back "They are getting on the next flight, I've told Garcia to ring me as soon as they land"

"Thank you" JJ said softly.

The slight knock disturbed them as a young nurse entered the waiting room. "Mrs Prentiss? I am Jessica, if you'd like to come with me" JJ nodded slightly.

Her eyes fell on Morgan as she gripped his hand. "Come with me?" Morgan nodded. The rest of the team would wait before they too went to see Emily.

They followed the nurse through the small corridors before stopping outside the ICU ward. "There are a lot of wires and tubes helping Mrs Prentiss right now. If you have any questions please feel free to ask." And with that the nurse left allowing them to enter the small room.

JJ couldn't help the sharpe intake of breath as she looked at her wife, tubes and wires seemed to bury her. Her pale complexion matched that of the pure white bedding, the humming for the machines seemed to echo in the room. The metal frame under the covers kept the material off her stomach. The whooshing from the ventilator made JJ jump slightly as she took a seat next to the bed.

They both were silent each lost in their own thoughts. They had never seen so many wires and tubes before, one set measured her heart and pulse rate. Another wire monitoring blood pressure and blood flow, another wire keeping track of oxygen in her blood, one keeping a check on body temperature. The last one kept an eye on the air flow to her lungs.

"I can't lose her Morgan" JJ mumbled as she took hold of Emily's hand careful of the cannula in her hand.

Morgan nodded, he couldn't promise her anything from what they had been told and now what they can see it truly is a 50/50 chance. The once strong Emily Prentiss now looked as pale as the sheets, the mask that everyone saw seemed to have blended into the back ground leaving her exposed for everyone to see.

"I know, but she's a fighter" Morgan said finally hoping that his partner's stubbornness would win this fight, he could only hope. "I'll send the others through" Morgan said as he looked sadly at JJ.

JJ nodded her eyes never leaving her wife, she looked so peaceful, so still "Don't you leave me Emily," she almost begged as her fingers wrapped more tightly around her hand. "Don't give up" she whispered before settling into the chair next to the bed.

The door creaked open again as the rest of the team entered the stood silent each lost for words, Morgan seemed to take stand next to JJ. It was the cop in him, Emily and Morgan had always been paired together each of them protecting one another more than anyone else and it showed as he stood firmly next to JJ watching over her. It wasn't a case of family or the fact that they were and are a team, he was her partner.

Hotch and Rossi stood near the door keeping watch over the younger agents, "She's like a daughter to me" Rossi whispered as tears filled his eyes.

Hotch nodded slightly "I know Dave" his voice full of raw emotion.

They all fell into comfortable silence each lost in their own world, Morgan stayed close to JJ and Reid close to him, Hotch and Rossi had stayed near the doors as though they were protecting everyone in that room from the outside. The buzzing of his phone made him jump slightly.

He cleared his throat slightly pulling JJ's attention "JJ I will be back shortly, Garcia has just messaged me they will be landing soon. I won't be long." JJ nodded slightly before her eyes went back to Emily.

"Reid, let's go and get us all a coffee" Rossi said with a pointed look. "We won't be long Morgan"

Morgan nodded slightly but in all honesty the only part he heard was that they wouldn't be long.

"Do you think she's in pain?" JJ mumbled slightly as she leaned into Morgan's form.

"I think they have her on a high dose of pain meds so I doubt she can feel anything Jen" Morgan said softly.

"You think she can hear us?"

Morgan smiled slightly "I am almost certain she can hear us."

"I don't know what I'd do without her Morgan, I don't know what the kids" her voice stopped mid-sentence as the sobs took over her body. Morgan pulled her closer to his body trying to give her strength and comfort.

"No matter what happens Jen, I'll be here at your side" Morgan promised.

Out of everyone he was the only person that could get away with calling her Jen, she knew how close Morgan was to Emily sometimes they acted like brother and sister, and over times you would think they were dating. They were so close so in tuned with one another, and JJ knew he was the only other person she would open up to, the only other person that could truly see her heart.

"Thank you" JJ whispered knowing that he would stand by her no matter what happened.

Everything seemed surreal, her eyes flickered slightly as her muscles twitched beneath the covers before it had even registered what was going on nurses swarmed the room, Morgan pulling JJ out of the way holding her tightly as she fought to get to Emily.

"Let me go" JJ said forcefully, Morgan didn't reply as he kept a tight hold of JJ as they rushed Emily out of the room.

Rossi had heard the slight commotion and the sound of JJ's voice unsettled him more as he rushed around the corner in to the small side room. "Where is Emily?" he asked.

Morgan kept hold of JJ her face buried against his chest as she sobbed uncontrollably. "They've rushed her back down to surgery" Morgan said carefully as his hand rubbed gently against JJ's back. "She started convulsing," Morgan said though Rossi could tell he was holding something back but he wouldn't push it.

Morgan had finally managed to get JJ to sit though he kept his arm wrapped around her giving her comfort. The door opened slightly causing JJ's head to snap up their eyes locked as Henry and Julie flew into her arms "Mommy" Julie mumbled as she held her children close. Garcia had made her way into Morgan's arms.

"Where is she" Hotch asked softly

"They've rushed her back down to surgery" Rossi said softly "It's not looking good at all Hotch" Hotch nodded. "What do the children know?" he asked carefully watching them both huddled close to JJ, even though Garcia was wrapped in Morgan's arms he too was close to JJ and the children.

"They know the truth," Hotch took a moment, "Kate spoke to them before they landed," Rossi nodded.

It seemed hours since they had rushed Emily back into surgery, the convulsions had caused stitches to rupture as well as causing the internal bleeding to become worse and they were now fighting against the clock. They couldn't repair the tears before due to Emily crashing so much, they were already concerned about brain damage but now they didn't have a choice.

They had fallen silent Julie was now curled next to Garcia asleep, Henry had his arms around JJ though he too was struggling to stay awake. "JJ if you want I can take them back to the hotel" Kate said softly.

JJ shook her head slightly. "Once Emily has come back?" Morgan asked kindly.

"Okay" JJ said as she pulled Henry closer.

Morgan was going with the same belief as before, no news was good news his hand rubbed against Garcia's shoulder as he became more restless, he looked down at his watch it didn't seem as though time was passing. It was as though it was now stood still motionless as though it was a dream. He heard a sigh come from near him as he looked over at JJ, whose eyes were now red raw, tears soaked her white blouse, her eyes fixated on the doors to the room hoping that soon they would open bringing back Emily. She wasn't ready to say goodbye she wasn't ready to be alone.

It had been four hours since Emily had been rushed down to surgery, four hours of hearing nothing, no nurse came to tell them what was going on, no one. It was as though they didn't exist or maybe it was a good sign but JJ's patience was wearing thin. She wanted an update.

"Morgan" her eyes fell on him as she began to speak, the once soft voice was now horse and raspy and so full of emotion that it broke his heart. "Can you find out" she couldn't even finish what she started as he nodded. He pulled Garcia close before kissing her brow.

"I won't be long" he said as he made his way out of the room grateful that Rossi had stepped out with him.

"How you holding up?" he asked kindly as they began to walk the short distance to the nurses station.

He scoffed slightly "Had better days"

"This wasn't your fault Morgan" Rossi said softly as they reached the desk.

"I know," Morgan said as he shook his head slightly "I just, she's my partner Rossi" he sighed slightly as they pulled the nurses attention.

"Can you give us an update on Agent Prentiss, please?" Morgan asked kindly.

They both watched as the nurse's demeanour changed slightly her eyes softened "The doctor will be in shortly to speak to Mrs Prentiss" her voice was soft and gentle.

"Thank you Ma'am" Morgan said softly before turning away. His fist making impact with the nearest wall.

"Morgan," Rossi said as he carefully placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Did you see that look Rossi, I can't go back in that room and say the doctor will be in soon" his eyes pleaded with Rossi as he tried to control his emotions.

"I did, but you need to go back in that room not for JJ's sake but for Emily's" Rossi said firmly. "JJ needs you right now, she needs you more than she needs anyone on our team."

Morgan closed his eyes slightly trying to bring his emotions under control, he had seen that look so many times, mainly while he was a cop. For now he needed to be strong for her. He nodded before his shouldered squared holding his head slightly higher than normal he walked back into the room with Rossi firmly at his side.

He gave a kind smile to Garcia before making his way back to JJ. "The doctor will be in soon" he said softly trying to control his emotions.

Hotch closed his eyes as he watched Morgan closely, before his eyes landed onto Rossi. He gave a sad smile as he gave a telling shake. His team was about to be ripped apart and there was nothing anyone could do to soften the blow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 **

JJ sighed slightly as she leaned against Morgan gaining slight comfort from his presence "I've got you" he whispered softly as his arm pulled her closer. No matter what happened he was going to be there for them he would after them like they were his family, his flesh and blood. They had fallen in to an easy silence Morgan's arm was still wrapped around JJ. Kate had taken the children to the canteen for something to eat.

The door to the waiting room opened slowly, the doctor walked in slowly removing his cap before closing the door behind him.

"No" JJ whispered as she saw the expression on his face.

They all knew that expression they all had used it enough in their jobs it was always the worse thing about the job breaking the news to the families.

"I am so sorry, there was nothing we could do" he said softly.

"No" JJ said again as Morgan pulled her close. "I need to see her" JJ said as her fingers dug into Morgan's arm.

The doctor nodded slightly. "I will send a nurse threw shortly" and with that he disappeared out of the waiting room.

"This isn't happening" JJ mumbled "She can't be gone, Morgan she can't be" he wrapped his arms around her tightly as she broke down in his arms. "Their wrong" she muttered through the sobs which shook her body. "I need to see her, I need to be with her. She can't be alone. Please" Morgan kept his arm wrapped firmly around her as she mumbled.

The door opened again "Mrs Prentiss?" the nurse said carefully. "If you would like to come with me" her voice was so soft and kind as she spoke.

JJ's fingers gripped around Morgan's hand as she tried to stand on unsteady legs. "Come with me" she whispered. Morgan swallowed slightly standing next to her his arm still wrapped around her shoulders.

* * *

><p>The days all seemed to blend into one, the hospital, the morgue, funeral home. Everything just seemed to snowball and before I even knew what I was meant to be doing.<p>

I froze.

Standing in our hallway our wedding photo staring back at me. I was frozen to the spot.

"JJ?" I heard my name being said but all I could do was stare at the picture on the wall.

"JJ, the cars outside" I nodded slightly but I couldn't look away, I couldn't stop looking into those deep chocolate eyes. Eyes that were so full of life and love. I had found my soulmate.

"This isn't right" I mumbled as the tears seeped down my cheek. "I can't do this, I can't say goodbye" I swallowed trying to hold back that floodgates that wanted to erupt.

I felt a hand wrap around me but I couldn't I can't take comfort not now, not yet I just need to get through today I need to do this. I can't let her down I have to do this for her for my Emily.

"Don't" I couldn't help the slight smile as I looked at him, the deep purple shirt and the black tie. I look into his deep chocolate eyes "She always did like that shirt on you" I mused slightly.

I heard him chuckle slightly "Believe me I know," he gave me a simple smile "shall we"

I could see the sadness in his eyes even though I knew he was trying to be strong for me, our children were being fussed over by every family member we had and I am truly grateful. I can only just hold myself together, I just need to get through today.

"No" the tears are now filling my eyes making it hard to see. "I don't know how to do this" I take a breath, I dab my eyes slightly wiping the tears away. "Okay" my voice seemed stronger and surer than I truly felt.

I linked his arm as we walked out the door to the cars. My legs threatened to buckle underneath me as I looked at the hearse. I swallowed hard as I tried to control myself again I can't allow the children to see me break, I can't let them see me fall. I look up to the sky and I pray for strength I pray for the strength to get through this day just today and tomorrow I can fall apart.

The children were to travel in one of the cars thankfully Elizabeth and my Mother are with them, Morgan, Garcia, Reid and myself are in the second car. I don't know if I want to be with our children or with the team. I look at the cars, I look at my two beautiful children.

"Wait" it comes out slightly louder than I meant.

"Jennifer?" Elizabeth voice sounded so concerned and over the years the frail relationship she had with Emily had begun to heal.

"I need" I couldn't even get the words out.

"Why don't you two go with your Ma and Morgan and we will follow" Elizabeth said so easily. I couldn't help the confused look on my face.

"Thank you" was all I managed as I wrapped both our children in my arms.

"Mommy" I place my lips on top of Julie's head "I love you two and I am so proud of you both" I say trying to hold back the tears.

"Mom" Henry look so grown up right now. "We" I nod as we move towards the car.

I can't help thinking back to when we faked her death, placing a rose on that empty bloody coffin. But this, this isn't us sending her in to hiding for safety this is me saying goodbye to the other half of me.

I stand at the coffin, my hands tremble holding the piece of paper. I try and hold the tears back but I can't I am frozen. A strong hand wraps around me holding me up as small fingers take hold of the paper.

Small fingers wrapped around my hand his voice so strong and proud.

"My mom found this the other day and it just seemed right" he cleared his throat slightly as he squeezed my hand.

"You can shed tears that she is gone  
>Or you can smile because she has lived<br>You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back  
>Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left<br>Your heart can be empty because you can't see her  
>Or it can be full of the love that you shared<br>You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday  
>Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday<br>You can remember her and only that she is gone  
>Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on<br>You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back  
>Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."<p>

I didn't know if my heart was going to explode with pride or pain. I watched as he walked up to the coffin placing a white rose on top of the red.

"Sleep well mommy, I'll look after them both now"

* * *

><p>The rest of the day seemed to blur away and before I knew it people were leaving. Morgan and Garcia were making a brew they both had stayed with us since we had come home, I lent against the door frame that led into the den. Julie was curled up resting against Henry his arm wrapped protectively around her as he watched cartoons. I cleared my throat slightly before I made my way in.<p>

"I am so proud of you two and I know mommy would be so proud of you both. I love you two so much" I tried to hold the tears back.

"I miss mommy too" Henry said softly.

"I know buddy, she would have been so proud of you today little man, she loved you both so much" I said through the tears.

"Can we sleep in your bed again tonight Ma?"

"Of course you can, I won't be long" I said before placing a kiss on each of their heads.

"They get their strength from you Emily" I whispered into the darkened room.

* * *

><p>AN The poem She Is Gone by **David Harkins **


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